By now the Big Bang album has dropped and we are waving our "hands up high, high and low" in electro euphoria but spare a thought for the less popular groups, the ones that are grossly underestimated and don't win the music show awards even where their hair looks great and
their song is an absolute banger, i'm talking about you U U U U U-KISS. 7 member "international" boyband U-KISS (Ubiquitous International Korean Super Star) who hit us with the shocking news yesterday that Alexander and Kibum are officially leaving the group and it gets worse... they're going to ... *building looming anticipation*... add 2 new members. As further statements come out it seems that Kibum's contract was ended, sadly not by his choice, and he'll be leaving the company (in wrestling terms he's been "future endeavoured" - as in "we wish him all the best in his future endeavours" mind the door doesn't hit you on the way out) whereas Alexander (whom its still unclear whether he wanted to leave, possibly to continue his "studies" or as protest for Kibum's forced departure? as yet unsolved mystery) will remain under the management company for work on his "personal overseas experiences" (in other words they want to keep Xander because he's entertaining, good at speaking and for lack of a better word... ubiquitous).
Well facts aside, what does this mean for all the KISSMEs (U-KISS fanclub name) around the Ubiquitous International Korean world?
Much as we love to mock him and are basically confused, delighted and then repulsed by him and his eyebrow smoothing gestures, it can not be denied that the loss of Xander will affect the boys greatly. Sure, I don't mean there will be a loss musically, honestly I don't think there will a lot of mourning for his contribution to singing, rap or dance (aside from my enjoyment hearing him rapping "being like a freak invading my soul" in "Shut Up!") but really where on else on earth, no, where in the universe are we going to find another guy like this. A androgynous half Chinese half Korean 22 year old (who always looks 17) who speaks 7 languages including English, Spanish, Mandarin and Japanese who skirts the line between completely stark raving insane and then the voice of sense and reason which guides the rabble of U-Kiss boys brilliantly as leader and can rectify even the most inappropriate press conference blunder. And then there's his contribution to Twitter, the incessant preachy Christian messages inter-spliced with self authored fan fiction with his own bandmates, the emotional outpouring of a lonely pop star, and a photo of every dessert he eats (he seems to have a sweet tooth so you often get 3 in a row... I still don't know how i've resisted not replying to him to ask if he's ever seen "Antique Bakery") and all of this in the emoticon laden writing style of a 13 year old girl. Let's not forgot those twitter interactions with his daddy dearest, wine exporter and devout christian (and very touchy on the subject of his son being compared to a hot lesbian) Antony Eusebio. I'm kind of cringing already at the thought of superdad making a statement on his beloved son's departure, don't do it Tony. I'd like it if he held back a little more and the most we should get is some father to son tweeting "I saw some chocolate Kinder Eggs today and thought of you" , like the good old days. Anyway, it can't be denied, Xander is a talent (of some kind) and with 7 languages and the face of an exotic princess from another dimension, I feel for sure this won't be the last we see of those eyebrows, or hear of that marvelous sing song Hong Kong english voice.
Really, now I think about it, the greatest loss of all is going to be for Pops in Seoul, U-KISS's 3 English speaking members Xander, Eli and Kevin's regular hosting spot and captivating car crash hosting as MCs and VJ's on Airang TV.
You've never seen it? Picture 3 kids loaded on a diet of pure sugar and kept trapped in a radio station booth for 3 days with only stuffed animals and cue cards for company, and then have them attempt to host a programme with as much awkward reading from cue cards as is feasibly possible, throw in their complete narcissism and undeniably camp presenting techniques and you are not even half way there. I have a headache and really can't face trying to find some of their "best" pops in Seoul work, so if you're interested
this fairly tame example will have to suffice.
I have to be honest now and say I'm probably not going to miss Kibum so much (and not just because its so confusing to have 3 Kim Kibums in k-pop), I mean, he was always that one who was kind of "surplus to requirements" and... ah I don't want to be so mean, why kick a man when he's down, but frankly, if I had got his photocard at random in my U-KISS - "Breaktime" album then I would have been
pissed off (as in "you make me pissed off" - thanks Eli), way worse than the time I got a Minho card in my SHINee Lucifer album and literally threw it back on the table (any readers want to swap? you gotta get me Key). You see what i'm saying? Kibum is my least favourite. With boyband's there's always that
one that you kind of don't mind when the staple is over his face in a magazine, right? There I said it. I mean I don't care much for Soohyun either but somebody has to sing the songs... and Kibum is always looking so ... unfortunate. All this being said, I didn't want the guy to get kicked out of his own band?!! I admit I didn't realise it before it was too late, but I was quite attached to him and his tiny pointy chin, long neck and smirking face more than I realised (I should probably take this chance to give more time to Thunder from MBLAQ, who I also keep at an arms length in the staple over face category, and its not just his face, its his voice.. ugh don't start me off on Thunder..). The 'surplus member' syndrome is a crucial part of the k-pop boyband dynamic, what i'm saying is, he was important in his own way. and now he's left to a life of what could have been with his famous SS501 celebrity brother and
their joint plush character goods venture. I wish him well. I really do. Let's remember him well
with his ludicrous hair and visor pretending to eat Alexander's head. And let's celebrate his work with the truly marvelous
FUCKYEAHFUCKINGKIMKIBUM TUMBLR "
KFK is an overripe cantaloupe tumbling towards irrelevance" which employs some of the finest post labeling comments i've ever seen on tumblr. I thank them for their work. lolcats indeed.
You might have noticed from my tone that saddened as I may be, I don't seem like I'm going to be losing any sleep over this particular episode of k-pop drama, and you're right. I'm a U-KISS fan but they're not my main concern right now, I have MBLAQ's health issues to worry about, I have Big Bang comeback distraction, I'm worried that my beloved OK Taecyeon hasn't had a fringe in
MONTHS, I worried about the amount of camera time Kwanghee gets every time I want to see the rest of ZE:A, I'm worried about SHINee baby dino and his girlfriend - what happened to them? But some one out there, probably more than one person (not including Kibum himself) is crying over this and that is a tiny slice of heartbreak right there. Kicking someone out, having another guy leave for mysterious reasons and then the cardinal sin of REPLACING them is probably not going down well with hardcore U-KISS fans, and those fans are dedicated, I mean they have been supporting the boys
from the start, the corn rowed 14 year old Dongho (far left), Xander perm (far right), don't even talk to me about Eli, very start:
2010 and 2011 has had numerous k-pop break up / member departing drama and it seems like they still havent learned that the fans want respect and the idols want to be treated fairly. Sure U-KISS have been around a while and they havent won anything and they're management company are probably hanging by a thread on shutting the whole U-KISS party down, but you know what NH Media management? work with what you've got! don't got swapping people out, revolving member groups are so tacky, Menudo, Morning Musume.... oh and don't forget "Xing" after all that's where you got Kibum and Kevin from in the first place.
As for these new members, we'll have to wait and see. I personally never understand anti fan trend of boycotting new members, I mean can you believe there was a time when people didn't want
Kyuhyun in Super Junior?! and I know FT Island lost Wonbin but we got Seunghyun... why bitch about it? and really U-KISS fans, think back, the last time U-KISS got a new member we can all thank our lucky stars that we were graced with the vision of ulzzang perfection we all know at Lee Kiseop:
You can't be all bad NH Media. Don't disappoint me.
Would it be ok to put in requests for attractive ulzzang members? bbjjang? that beauty off Ulzzang Shidae (the one who had to watch his girlfriend play the peppero game with Chihoon)? or maybe we could recruit some other celebrity younger brothers?? I suppose there's always the trainee cast offs from the other agencies when they get desperate, who knows , they might strike gold and get a Yoon Doo Joon or a Hyunseung...
Until then. U-KISS HWAITING! KIM KIBUM HWAITING! ALEXANDER LEE EUSEBIO HWAITING! grab some tissues, time for some happy memories (set to music from a 2PM Cocacola advert...) :
- BUNNY
From Top left to bottom right: GD, Seungri, Daesung Taeyang, Daesung, TOP.
